Two little monkeys
by APunkRockHo
Summary: Set in London UK, All clones are self aware and have been for a while. Beth is alive, Cosima is well and Cophine is a thing. Kimberley is a young mother like her girlfriend Sarah who she fled London with 10 months ago leaving both their daughters behind. They have decided to return after months of spiraling out of control but are they really ready to tackle motherhood together?
1. Chapter 1

Kimberley's POV throughout

I've never lived in a stable place i've been able to call my home. I was born to a mother that abandoned me as my father did when i was just an infant. Until i was five years old i was pulled from pillar to post, in and out of foster care from one foster parent to the other none of which cared for me the way they should have done. They looked at me as a cheque because that was exactly what i was, living under their roof put money in their pockets so you could say that i didn't have much of a childhood before i was adopted at the age of five. I dont remember much of my life before that but what i do remember i don't like to think about and maybe thats the reason i fly off the rails so easily.

My adoptive mother was a god sent, my father not so much. He was a drinker, a gambler and most of my memories of him arent positive ones. There are all kinds in this world and not all fathers spoil their children, not all father love or even like their children and my father certainly didnt love us. My father believed a child should be seen and not heard and that paying a child too much attention would ruin them. "Spoiling a child will hurt them in the long haul" he'd say to my mother. "They won't grow and be independent" and independent is what their biological daughter Beth became as soon as she was old enough to move out. Beth is 11 years older than me, shes not only my sister but my best friend.

Once our mother passed Beth practically raised me and she had a tough time doing so. I was 11 years old when our mother died. I was sat at one side of her bed with one hand in mine and Beth sat at the other, we watched her slip away from us. Her illness came as a shock to us all, she was young and healthy or so we thought. The funeral was quiet, the church was empty. At the cemetery when they lowered my mothers casket into the ground we cried as if our hearts were breaking, i guess they were. Her death was peaceful and painful for our mother but not so much us. Its almost like our whole world crumbled as her eyes closed and her grip on our hands loosened. I remember her eyes and how she looked at us. She made my Beth promise she'd look out for me and Beth willingly agreed. She didnt know what she was letting herself in for.

I soon moved in with my sister who had always been over protective when it came to me. I've never been the easiest and at times i'm sure she wishes she never made our mother the promise she did on her deathbed because i've almost put her in hers especially when i fell pregnant at a young age. Beth soon discovered that she had a family even more complicated than she ever thought possible. She had sisters that she never dreamed of having from all over the globe one of which i ended up dating which came as a surprise to everyone especially Beth who disapproved immediately. When i began to have relations with her sister Sarah i didnt go into it thinking it would ever be a serious thing but i began falling for her almost immediately which scared me more than anything i had never felt that way about anyone before.

Now the pair of us live on a unpleasant council estate, in a rundown bedsit living off stolen money miles away from our daughters. I thank god that my mother can't see how i'm living now but i'm sure she'll be turning in her grave. I lie on the double bed pushed up against one wall in the centre of the room. Sarah's body is comfortably warm against mine, she's relaxed and motionless which is hardly surprising as we fell down on this hard mattress hours ago after another night binging with people we barely know. Her breathing is slow and steady, her hair is slightly matted resembling a bird's nest so it's impossible to run my fingers through and last night's dark makeup is smudged imperfectly under her eyes. We fell into a routine some time ago. Its monotonous yet strangely comfortable. I can still smell the alcohol she poured down her neck on her breath as she breathes but it doesn't turn my stomach nor does the stench of stale cigarettes that clings to her, because i smell the same and we're used to it. This has became our smell and maybe that should make me sick. Sarah was never a smoker, surprisingly she had never touched a cigarette until i came walking into her life with heavy footsteps and a past just as troubling as her own. We have fell asleep many times talking about how one day, when we're ready we'd return home and last night we agreed that that day had come. Sure we were drunk and the room span as we spoke but this moment has been pending and this life we've been living is boring now, its not for us and it hasnt been for some time now.

After 10 months guilt now turns me inside out, i tried many times to convince myself that this was okay because living like this was never my intention but what was my intentions? What had i thought that night i fled hand in hand with a woman abandoning her own daughter as well and my own. Its something i choose to forget because thats what i do. I forget the things that hurt the most. I hurt too many people, i know my daughter has been better off without me because i left her in the capable hands of Sarah's foster mother that can provide her with more than i ever could. I put Sarah first and now shes curled up against me, her arm is draped over my stomach and her head is buried in the crook of my neck, i can feel her cheekbone pressing against me and as soon as i close my eyes she stirs.

"Kim?" She whispers by my ear. Her voice is croaky, still laced with sleep. "You asleep?" She asks her british accent just as thick as my own and i shake my head.

"No"

"Todays the day" Shes stretching and yawning at the same time then turning over so she's looking at me. She lays a hand against my cheek. Her palm is cold and her eyes are still half shut. I've just realised that not only is she in last night's clothes but i am too. We thought we'd have one last drink before turning our lives around or at least attempting to

"Do you think we should ring S or something? Or Beth? maybe Alison?" I ask then shes shaking her head. "Don't you think we should warn them or something i mean they could make custody a nightmare. Do you think they're going to let us see them?"

"They're our daughters they're going to have to"

"But Sarah we've been gone for almost a year, thats a long time"

"Look if you've changed your mind just say it. Tell me you're not going to miss this dump"

"Of course i'm not, this place is a shithole" I laugh. "I haven't changed my mind either i'm just nervous, y'know?

"I know babe" She smiles kissing my cheek and she pulls herself up and swings her legs over the side of the bed. "I'll make you a coffee, yeah? We're in for a long day"


	2. Chapter 2

I know i can't smoke but i'm fiddling with a cigarette in my hand. It sits between the pads of my thumb and my index finger and i'm rolling it slowly as my hand shakes ever so slightly. As we climbed on the train hand in hand whispering into eachothers ears and laughing obnoxiously we earned stares from other passengers which we ignored because we're leaving this poor excuse of a life behind without any regrets. It has taken us long enough to realize that whats waiting for us at home is better than anything we could ever have here. I'm sat in my seat, its uncomfortable and i need to move, i need to stretch my legs but i don't dare do so not since Sarah has fallen asleep on my shoulder. Her head is on my shoulder, her half braided hair the same colour as my own tickles the side on my face and her earphones playing loud punk rock music are still in her ears. My fingers brush against her stocking clad thigh, her black skirt is even shorter than the one i squeezed into, our dark boots are similar and of course we both have on black leather jackets cold against our skin. I suddenly feel blindly skin thinking about what awaits me. I'm nervous and my stomach churns because so much can change in 10 months.

As the train plunges into darkness and trundles through a tunnel i look at Sarah who looks strangely peaceful. As her head lols to the side her hair falls in front of her face fluttering as she breathes. Its still unbrushed, its long, wavy and tangled. I sat with her between my legs as i braided her hair, she squirmed and wriggled and complained that i was pulling too hard just like my then four year old would do when i was a seemingly better mother than i am now. I threw my head back in laughter as Sarah's eyes start to water and blamed it on hay fever. My daughter Tiffany will be five now, i missed her birthday. I sent a card and we both signed it, i threw some money in wrote down my empty promises and mailed it to Siobhan who i hope gave it to her. Kira is three years older than Tiffany, shes eight and before we left i got to know her, we bonded almost instantly and so did Sarah and TIffany. Kira called me "Auntie" because thats what she thought i was but she soon dropped the title after mine and her mother's relationship was made common knowledge and confusion took over.

A woman to the right of us keeps glancing in our direction. She muttered under her breath earlier at the use of Sarah's filthy language. With her grey woollen coat on and a thick hat to match she sits in silence, her eyes wondering and her mind doing the same. I wonder what she sees when she looks at us. Actually no i don't, i know what she sees, i know what she thinks, i've spent my whole life receiving looks like the one shes giving me right now. The train carries on gliding into the night, its taking longer than i expected it to. I know that we can't go back now even if we wanted to. I watch the dark tracks and fleeting lights feeling the distance between myself and the restless life i learnt to love stretch.

When the train comes to a halt and Sarah is abruptly awoken we pull each other off and onto the platform leaning against each other like we need each other's bodies to stay supported on our feet. I glanced at the lights of london as i stepped off the train but i soon returned my eyes to my girlfriend who i find a much better view. Ignoring the woman's voice announcing the arrivals and departures of the trains the travellers around us are awaiting i allow Sarah to pull me towards a pay phone in the middle of a concrete slab we're walking on.

"Got any change?" She asks and i shake my head. She pushes her hand in her pocket and rummages around before pulling out a fist full of copper and the odd silver coin. The silver adds up and she realizes theres enough for one phone call. I watch her push the money into the metal machine and she looks at me as she wedges the well used phone between her cheek and her shoulder waiting for someone anyone to answer. "Hey, hey its Sarah" She begins once someone has picked up. I watch her intensively nervously nipping at the loose bit of skin around my nail with my teeth. "Yeah, we're back in town"

"S?" I ask mouthing the words without a sound. She nods silently.

"We want to see the girls, okay?" Shes saying down the phone and it takes just seconds for her eyebrows to knit together as a frown takes over her face. My stomach churns even more, my heart beats faster because whatever S is saying on the other side isnt what Sarah wants to hear. It makes her tone changed, she spits her words almost growling in response. "Well thats not fair is it? Is ... is that Tiffany?" My eyes widen at the sound of my daughter's name. "She stayed with you?"

"Put me on" I beg her but she ignores me and keeps the phone held to her own ear.

"Atleast let us speak to them, we're their mothers, we have a right!"

"Sarah, put me one!" I tell her again but she's slamming the phone back down and cursing as she kicks at the machine meaninglessly. "What's wrong? What did she say?"

"What the fuck do you think she said?" SHe snaps at me and immediately regrets it. She pulls me closer and kisses my head mumbling her apologies. "She won't let us see them, Tiffany was there. i guess your plan worked after all"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"So what do we do now?" I ask stupidly. I must look pathetic. I'm a nervous wreck. Sarah has always been the tough one and anyone that has met us knew it. I stand with a sickly feeling in my stomach and my skin still between my teeth tugging at it more and more aggressively as i worry more and more. We knew we couldn't just walk straight back into their lives, we knew we'd have to fight and prove to not just our daughters but everyone else that we're fit enough to be parents after 10 long months across the small country but i've never been ready for it. I want the small arms of my daughter around me, i wanted to put her to bed tonight, maybe thats naive of me for thinking everything would go so smoothly.

"What do you think we do? We go and get them, that was the plan all along wasn't it?"

"and you know your way to S's from here?"

"Of course i do, i grew up in this shithole"

[ ]

"Mummy!" Tiffany is yelling as she runs towards me with her arms out and her eyes just as wide as the smile splitting her face. Kira is running towards Sarah too and it doesnt seem to matter that its pitch black outside, it's probably past the girls bedtimes and their bare feet are hitting the concrete as they run in their pyjamas towards us in the cold. Of course convincing Mrs S to let us see the girls proved difficult but once they saw us through the window she could hardly deny them the right to see us. My hands are shaking as i hold them out waiting for Tiffany to reach my embrace, i'm watching her through a mist of tear because the tears that burnt my eyes as i refused to let fall have a mind of their own and now they're falling effortlessly down my face until i can taste the salt run over my lips and onto my tongue. I don't raise my hand to brush them away i just hold onto TIffany as soon as she reaches me and she holds onto me so tight like she never wants to let go and i'm doing the same because i never do.

"I missed you so much" I'm smiling against her cheek and as i straighten myself up off the ground i'm taking TIffany with me allowing her small feet to dangle in the air as i hold her close to me. I glance at Sarah still crouching before Kira with her two hands in her own cold ones. Shes smiling like me, tears brim her eyes and then shes holding onto her daughter's face studying it intensely. Mrs S who is stood by the door with folded arms and a stern look clears her throat, she coughs to catch our attention ruining the moment and Felix stands sheepishly behind her watching us from over her shoulder.

"Bring them in, they're going to catch their deaths out here" She orders coldly and we do so without a word to her. Shes glaring at us. I didnt expect to be greeted with open arms but i thought we'd get at least a smile. Tiffany is still holding onto me but she tilts back to look at me properly and Sarah kicks the door closed behind her as we stand in the hallway taking in every moment.

"I knew you'd come back" Kira smiles and i can't believe how much they've both grown and as Tiffany grins showing her lost front teeth i pathetically cry even more realising just how much i've missed out on. I've missed her first wobbly tooth, her first experience of wishing on the tooth fairy and watching the excitement on her face as she discovers a coin under her pillow the next morning. Its my own fault and i know that nobody is to blame but myself.

"We thought about you both every day" I tell them and TIffany frowns at me, she doesn't look convinced.

"Really?"

"Really" I nod. "We missed you lots and lots-"

"Like jelly tots?" Kira asks making Sarah giggle into her hair as she nods.

"Alright thats enough, Mummy needs to go now isn't that right Sarah? Kim you too" Siobhan speaks up again and Sarah narrows her eyes at her and i can tell shes having to bite her tongue so she doesn't snap. We've been here 2 minutes, 5 at the most and shes already trying to get rid of us making TIffany hold onto me even tighter.

"No, i want Mommy to take me to bed" Kira whines and TIffany nods in 's accent is much different to Tiffany's considering that she spent most of her life in canada before moving to London and Tiffany's british accent is even stronger than mine. Her use of London slang makes most cringe but it makes me chuckle. Shes a character and i love that about her.

"Me too"

"Fine. You have five minutes" S instructs with hesitation and so TIffany and Kira show us their bedroom which is different to when we were last here. For a start there was only one bed pushed up against a pink wall. Now theres 2. Before i left i made it clear that this is where i wanted Tiffany to stay. Beth is capable of caring for her of course she is but shes a cop, she goes to work early and comes home late and her relationship is already suffering without throwing a five year old into the mix and besides this is Kira's home. We wanted them to be together. They're practically sisters after all or so we tell ourselves. I knew that Tiffany would be well looked after here because Mrs S is the type of person who would give away her own meal to anyone that needed it and she is always letting one of Sarah and Beth's sisters sleep on the sofa in the front room overnight even Helena who leaves behind hair clogging the shower and an empty fridge before returning to Alison's. I knew TIffany was in safe hands here because S loves her just as much as Kira and vice versa. I knew Siobhan would take good care of her and it looks like she has. Shes happy and well looked after, shes done a better job than i could ever do.

"You're really here" TIffany says looking up at me as i tuck her into her bed beside Kira's. I sit between them as does Sarah and i look at her in amazement. Shes grown up so much. Tiffany has dark skin almost the colour of a milky coffee due to her hispanic roots from her father's side. She has a round face still yet to lose all of her baby fat. her hair is dark too and it's grew so much in 10 months that now it tumbles down her back and stops at her waist, its enough to make most women including myself envious. Its loose and i push it out of her face, she used to clip it back with one of her many hair bows and by the amount of hair accessories messily left by her bed i assume shes still fond of the big clips she unintentionally began collecting. Kira's hair is lighter, it's almost blonde which like her sense of humor i assume she inherited from her father that Sarah rarely speaks of. As Tiffany is mischievous with a sharp tongue and quick wit Kira is quieter, well behaved and always aims to please those around her. i wonder i they're still like that now or if Tiffany has calmed down a bit since i left, she's always been a handful.

Kira holds onto her sock monkey tight in her arms and Sarah strokes her hair as she whispers promises to her. TIffany holds my hand and tosses and turns trying to get comfortable in the bed she looks lost in. "Go to sleep, babe. We'll be back in the morning" I tell her but she doesn't close her eyes. She blinks then wriggles around some more.

"Auntie Beth missed you" She says and i squeeze her hand tighter giving her a sympathetic smile. "Auntie Alison did too and Oscar and Gemma. Auntie Helena wanted to look for you both-"

"But Mrs S said that you would come back when you were ready" Kira adds and Sarah looks at me, she looks just as guilty as i feel. "You're ready now though arent you mommy? You too Amy?"

"We're ready" Sarah smiles and she kisses her daughter's head and tells her she loves her and that she's never going to leave again. I do the same to my daughter and notice that as she gets older shes looking more and more like her father. People tell me she looks like me but i know thats only out of politeness. She looks like her father who i haven't saw or heard from in years. He doesn't know what he's missing and i didn't either.

Girls where i am from had babies like they were buying dolls. Most didn't know the difference until their kids were popping out of their bodies with all that crying and drooling and giving them night after night of no sleep while the fathers were out with girls that didn't smell like baby sick and that weren't tired all the time. Motherhood i nothing like its portrayed like on the TV but i knew that before i even fell pregnant. I told myself that i'd never be that girl on the corner wondering where her man was while bouncing a wailing baby on her hip but that's exactly what i became.

I met Tiffany's father when i was fourteen. At first we were just friends. I was young with a innocent crush. He was a year older but still just a kid himself but even then you could already tell that he has a taste for the bad. His name was Manny. He quit school quick. He must have only been about sixteen years old. He quit to run around the streets with his friends he later went on to pathetically call his "Homeboys". They'd hang around the streets picking pockets and committing petty crimes that soon escalated so it was hardly surprising that Beth tried her hardest to keep me away from him but even her strongest efforts didnt work. Manny had dark skin like Tiffany's, he was thin with a skinny chest and pair of legs his "Homeboys" would laugh at . His face was tough, his jawline tougher, it was sharp enough to cut whoever touched it. I remember that he wore loose navy jeans and clean white tshirts baggy and big hanging off his small frame.

Its like we grew up quick. One day he was stealing chocolate bars from the local corner shop and the next he thought he owned the street and people looked up to him as if he did. Manny was an organizer and constantly thought about money and how he could make it, its the one thing he and Sarah have in common. When he was younger he looked at the gangs that hung out on our street but he didnt look up to them. He knew he could be better and he was. I thought i got lucky with him, i loved him right away with his toothy grin and dark eyes that shone like black diamonds. When i look at my daughter i don't see him but i wonder if he ever thinks about her or regrets disappearing into the sunset as soon as the going got tough. I look at Tiffany now and i know i need to go, it makes my chest ache but its only until morning. We're back now and it's for good whether S likes it or not. I squeeze Sarah's hand and she knows what i'm thinking so she kisses Kira once more and pulls herself up from the carpeted floor.

"I don't want you to go" Tiffany says reaching for me as Sarah helps me up.

"I know but i don't want to upset Mrs S, do i?" I ask pushing her long hair out of her face and she shakes her head. "We'll be back tomorrow"

"Promise?"

"Promise" I repeat sincerely and she hooks her little finger around mine. "Now close your eyes and get some sleep, Kira you too and give me one last kiss before i go"


End file.
